Americans Now Fleeing to Mexico

Faced with seemingly insurmountable financial and personal hurdles, Americans have been streaming across the border into Mexico in the hopes of finding a better quality of life.

Mexican border patrol agents have abandoned searching for Mexicans crossing into the US and are now focused on Americans crossing into Mexico.

One American who was caught crossing the border was former Lehman Bros. Financier Ralph Goldman. “I just want a better life for my wife and kids”, Goldman tearfully explained to the Mexican border patrol agent. “All the money and jobs have come here. The weather is nicer. Houses are cheaper. The banks haven’t failed. I could have a life here”.

Goldman said he hoped there would be some decent Italian, Chinese and Japanese restaurants as he has not yet gained a taste for Mexican food.

“Burritos give me heartburn”, he revealed.

Lame Duck President George W. Bush promised those who remain in America a $25 McDonald’s gift certificate in addition to their economic stimulus checks. However, the House and Senate have not yet verified the gift certificate offer.