Angry Bush Administration Chides Democrats

Washington, DC (APE) – The Bush administration launched a multi-pronged assault on Democratic critics who have recently called to question the administration’s deliberate use of faulty, “sexed-up” intelligence to sell the war with Iraq to Congress and the American people. The assault was spearheaded by the surprise visit of secretary of state Condoleezza Rice to Baghdad, Iraq today, the vice-president’s traditional presentation of a wreath at the tomb of the unknown soldier, and the president’s Veteran’s Day speech to a group of hand picked veterans and their families at the Tobyhanna Army Depot in Pennsylvania.

In his speech today, Bush accused critics of trying to rewrite the history that his administration had painstakingly orchestrated through the run-up to the Iraq war. “The stakes in the global war on terror are too high and the national interest is too important for politicians to throw out false charges,” the president said, implying that the false charges must be strictly adhered to. He also accused them of undercutting the frontlines of torture in the war on terror. A large portion of the speech was dedicated to the re-dedication of America to the task of keeping previously feared non-existent weapons of mass destruction out of the hands of terrorists who are now on the run and fearful that they may never acquire the non-existent weapons. Bush also went on to compare and contrast Islamo-Fascism with communism, terrorism, dictatorships, and several other “isms” with the notable exception of cronyism. The speech appeared to flow flawlessly and applause was coordinated seamlessly by Mr. Rove.

The President speaks to a hand picked and photo-shopped group of veterans upon the finer points of fascism. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Simultaneously in Iraq, secretary of state Condoleezza Rice paid a surprise visit of support to the troops and spoke to Iraqis about the importance of unity in the coming months. “We do support the principles of democracy and support efforts to bridge the differences among Iraqis,” Rice said. She later pledged to assist the Iraqis in rebuilding bridges and other infrastructure destroyed by America in an attempt to cut off different Iraqis.


Rice later treated the troops to their now traditional polypropylene Thanksgiving turkey dinner from the administration, stating that it was done early this year for security purposes. Rice was noted to bristle as a member of the press in attendance pointed out that the bird was a fake. “Well, of course it is,” she said chastising the reporter. “This has become a long standing wartime traditional joke for the troops. They’ve come to expect it from us, and would be disappointed if we didn’t do this. In addition, the Bush administration is determined to halt the spread of bird flu at all costs.”

Vice president Cheney, after the wreath placing ceremony spoke to reporters saying, “We simply cannot afford to listen to the 55 to 60 percent of America who now feels that this war was a bad move. This kind of talk from democrats is just plain dangerous and puts democracy in jeopardy. As we approach this holiday season we should all be thankful in this country that there is still plenty to be fearful of.”