Ann Coulter: 'I have AIDS'

New York — Conservative pundit and author Ann Coulter stunned FOX News viewers on Saturday, as she explained that she has the incurable, immune-suppressing disease called AIDS.

“I know have been looking more and more emaciated as time goes by, and that is because I am fighting the disease called AIDS,” announced Coulter on FOX News.

Her tragic story got even more bizarre, as she revealed that she caught AIDS from sexual trysts with Merv Griffin, Henry Kissinger, and Rudy Giuliani.

“Merv Griffin, Henry Kissinger, and Rudy Giuliani are all bisexual lovers, and one night, when I was drunk, they convinced me to participate in one of their orgies,” revealed the AIDS-stricken Coulter.

The offices of Griffin, Kissinger, and Giuliani have all denied responsibility for Ann Coulter catching AIDS. Merv Griffin spokeswoman Emma Les Behan called Coulter a “dirty slut,” and said Coulter must have caught AIDS from somebody else. Kissinger’s spokesman Ben A. Crooke said the that Mr. Kissinger feels sorry for Ms. Coulter, but that it wasn’t from him that she caught AIDS. Giuliani issued a statement saying that he is confident he also isn’t the source of Coulter’s AIDS.

“Given my sexual lifestyle, I am sure to get tested for AIDS every month, and I am certain that my last one was negative,” explained the former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

So far, neither of those three have commented on the photograph that Ann Coulter released to Unconfirmed Sources. Looking at the photograph, however, it is apparent that Ms. Coulter could have caught AIDS from one of the other unkown men in the picture.