Washington — Very few of America’s eligible youths are willing to join the armed forces, only to find themselves patrolling the horror-filled streets of Baghdad.
In an effort to get enlistments, President Bush made an appearance at a Boy Scout Rally in Virginia, and appealed to the youngsters to sign up.
” As a special inducement,” said the President, “I am lowering the enlistment age to 12. You won’t have to go to school, you’ll have great fun with the Game Boys, XBoxes, M1’s and you’ll even get to drive a Humvee! I am asking Congress to pass a special waiver to declare you a legal adult, so your mother and dad won’t be able to interfere.”
The President asked the Scout Leaders present to pass out
enlistment pledges, and have the boys indicate branch of the service they desired.
Army trucks were standing buy to whisk the new recruits to Camp Blanding for basic training, as soon as they affixed their signature to the irrevocable document.
Dottie and Ben Drake of Arlington, concerned that their son Bobby, didn’t return from the rally, called 911, and were told that he had enlisted in the Air Force for helicopter pilot training. ” We are proud of our patriotic little darling. I hope he brushes his teeth and changes his socks. We are sending him his teddy bear as soon as we get word where he is.” said a beaming Ben.
Brigadier General Stewart Henderson, who heads up the DOD Recruiting Division, said he hoped that the scouts would fill the depleted ranks. ” If not, we plan to slightly reduce our standards and recruit pedophiles, inner city gang members, physically fit, but blind young men, transvestites, ex-convicts with less than 5 convictions, and paraplegics. When we’re up to strength we’ll surge them Islamo-terrorists right into the Red Sea! “