Army Invites Lawmakers To Surprise Visit To Guantanamo. Result: Surprised To Find Conditions Impr…


Congressional Lawmakers held a surprise inspection of the prisoner facility at the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Marine base this week. The surprise visit, held with only three weeks notice, reportedly took the base commander completely by surprise; still, despite being so surprised, the surprised commander was able to find accommodations that were surprisingly perfectly suited to the exact number of lawmakers and their staffs along with, surprisingly enough, transportation, press releases, nametags and place settings at the officers club. Even the surprised Marine Corps Band managed to find itself sitting on the tarmac as the Congressional plane landed, taking part in a surprise full dress rehearsal.

Lawmakers were surprised to find that the surprised guards knew each and every one of their names and titles, shoe sizes and Social Security numbers and that in spite of being so surprised that they had absolutely no time to prepare for the surprise inspection, conditions at the prison were surprisingly un-tampered with.

One surprised Republican Congressman gushed, ” I was so surprised! We witnessed interrogations, which were surprisingly congenial and polite…it almost sounded rehearsed, even though it was such a surprise for everyone. We even ate the exact same food as the prisoners, which was surprisingly good. I was particularly surprised that the roast pork and potato’s au gratin with sherry sauce was so surprisingly well prepared.”

The prisoners were surprisingly well groomed and happy, but some lawmakers were surprised that the terrorists could speak English like Americans that a few had blue eyes and crew cut blond hair. Surprise questions put to them by the surprised lawmakers were answered, surprisingly enough, with a shouted “Sir, yes Sir!” and “Sir, no Sir!”. Everyone was also surprised when one of the surprised prisoners beard came unhooked from behind one of his ears.

Perhaps the least surprising aspect of the surprise visit was that some Democratic members of the contingent were surprisingly unimpressed by the surprise visit. While acknowledging that they were surprised to find conditions improving, they also said that more work needed to be done. Wearing tee shirts that proclaimed, “I Gave A Surprise Inspection To Guantanamo Bay And All I Got Was This Lousy Tee Shirt” that were issued by the surprised Quartermaster upon their arrival however, all agreed that a surprisingly good time was had by all and they were looking forward to their next surprise inspection, this time to investigate the disappearance of the Alabama teenager in Aruba.