(Baghdad–Iraq) In what is possibly his most elaborate “punking” to date, Ashton Kutcher yesterday “punk’d” Saddam Hussein.
Hussein was in the middle of a tirade, recounting another “indignity” he had to endure at the hands of his American captors, a lack of his favorite salty snack food, Funions. Suddenly, Judge Rizgar Mohammed Amin (no relation to Idi) rose and pulled off a facemask to reveal a smiling Kutcher. Hussein immediately smacked his forehead and laughed with relief. “I knew it! When you started placing me at atrocities at eight years old, I said to myself: ‘I believe this may be the work of Ashton Kutcher.’ Of course, being divine, I was correct.”
Hussein then asked Kutcher if his reaction topped that of Justin Timberlake when he was punk’d by alleged IRS agents coming to his mansion to repossess his property. Kutcher replied: “Dude, you have to ask?”
U.S. President George Bush appeared by video link to address Hussein. “Mr. President, I have to say it was worth the 42 billion dollars we kicked in to see the look on your face. When this young man, Ashcan (Bush’s nickname for Kutcher) came to me with the idea, what could I say but “Dude, that’s right on.” Bush then gave a thumbs up to Kutcher.
Since the “punk”, the world press has been pummeling White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan with questions. Was the entire weapons of mass destruction debate part of the “punk”? What about the alleged torture by the U.S. army of prisoners held at Abu Ghraib? McClellan responded with a terse, “all questions regarding the exact mechanics of the, uh, ‘punk’ should be directed to Mr. Kutcher’s production company, Katalyst Films.”
At a press conference held in the Beverly Hills Hotel by Kutcher, the question was asked if the “punk” was simply an ad hoc way for the Bush administration to wipe away the mistakes of the last four years, be able to recall U.S. troops from Iraq and reinstall Saddam Hussein as a puppet leader? “I don’t know anything about,” said an unusually defensive Kutcher, “YOU said that not ME. Wait