At First Press Briefing, Tony Snow: "I have no answers, just this great ass!"

(Washington, D.C.) Things just don’t seem to be going well for President Bush. His approval rating is lower than the funding allocated for alternate fuel research in his current budget. The FBI is on the verge of rendering ex-CIA members, while the NSA is creating what they affectionately call “not a phone database of illegally monitored calls, just a really BIG party line.” Is it any wonder that during new White House Press Secretary’s first informal press briefing this Friday Tony Snow broke down after a salvo of questions, took off his clothes and ran around, according to CNN’s John King, as “nude as Arnold Schwarzenegger in the first Terminator movie, but without the accent.”

Since the streaking incident occurred during an unofficial press briefing held in Snow’s West Wing Office as opposed to the actual pressroom, the White House gaggle, out of respect for own of its own, has tried to keep the lid, or pants, on the incident. A FOX reporter, from Snow’s old network, speaking on the condition of anonymity, expressed the feelings of most present. “Taking this job is like Gary Glitter becoming a priest at an all boys orphanage. It’s a reporter’s dream and a nightmare.” A female NBC reporter added, “Look it happens, it’s no big thing. And I mean that literally, because he ran right by me.” To which Snow’s ex-Fox colleague came to his aid. “To Tony’s defense, it was unusually cold in his office.”

No one can agree on the exact trigger. But it happened somewhere between a question on why the NSA refused to grant Justice Department Lawyers clearance so that they could actually begin to investigate the NSA and if there was election between George Bush and William Hung for President tomorrow would Bush win? Snow’s reply was, “As the new kid on the block, I’m not fully briefed on the issue.” Snow then began tugging at his tie, mumbled something and then said, “I have no answers, just this great ass.” “Then,” CNN’s King said, “he just dropped trou and started streaking up and down the rows of reporters like this was a college campus in 1974.”

George Bush plans on addressing the matter in his speech this coming Monday. But for now, the President simply is standing behind, way behind, Snow. “Tony Snow said he’s got a great ass. That boy ain’t fibbin’. And that’s what we need in that job, honesty.”

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