Automakers Achieve Singularity, Detroit Disappears into Black Hole

Emergency workers are rushing to what used to be Detroit today, as it appears that Metro Detroit has been sucked into a black hole. The black hole appeared late Friday afternoon after Senate Republicans refused to help the struggling American automakers. News of the failed bailout plan apparently caused the Big Three automakers to collapse upon them selves causing them to achieve a small singularity, which in turn created the devastating black hole.

“The death toll is going to be in the millions,” says a distraught rescue worker from Northern Ohio as he stands on the edge of what used to be southern Michigan. “The whole thing is just gone. Everybody and everything is just gone…”

Satellite imagery confirms that hundreds, maybe thousands of square miles of southern Michigan have been sucked into the black hole. Scientists believe that he black hole has reached some point of stability where it will no longer consume large masses of the American industrial heart, but they can’t be sure the situation won’t change.

“The damage seems to have been contained for now.” Says cosmologist Brent Bigsby, formerly of the University of Michigan, who happened to be traveling when the black hole consumed the southern half of the state. “The black hole has stopped growing for now, but the damage caused by this type of event is likely to reverberate across the country. We are a long way from out of the woods on this one.”