Barack Obama vows to crackdown on the Amish

WASHINGTON, D.C.–President-elect Barack Obama vowed to crackdown on the Amish. During a recent press conference, President-elect Obama said that the greatest threat the United States faces is the Amish community.

“The greatest terrorist threat we as representatives of the New World Order face is the Amish community. These people don’t like to go along with putting microchip implants into their animals. They refuse to produce milk with melamine in it, thus curtailing our population control program. My administration will eradicate the Amish community in the United States,” said President-elect Barack Obama. “The Amish are a lot like al Qaeda. Amish Qaeda.”

Democratic strategist, Faye Kerr, expressed optimism about the success the incoming administration will have in eradicating the Amish community.

“We all know how backwards those Amish people are. Who in their right mind would refuse a loving microchip from the government? And those goofy people refuse to use our melamine-laced milk. How dare they,” said Faye Kerr.

When asked if a government that is so huge, through various licensing laws and so forth, is desirable, since it literally means that we are all alive only because the government permits us to live, President-elect Obama said, “Hey, Americans only live because the government permits them to live. That is just how the government likes it.”