WASHINGTON — Confirming long-held, deep-rooted suspicions that many people inside and around the beltway have had for quite some time, FOX News commentators Fred Barnes and Mort Kondracke, of the Beltway Boys, admitted to having a homosexaul relationship. They admitted that they have been stroking more than eachother’s egos for a very long time.
Viewers of FOX News’ Beltway Boys have been sending email queries to the network, trying to find out why there are two personalities who fundamentally agree on a “debate-styled” program. They have finally received their answer as Fred Barnes and Mort Kondracke were signing off of their last taping.
“In response to viewer email, it is time that me and Mort put the question that we receive most often to rest. The answer is yes, we are gay lovers,” said Fred Barnes.
Mort Kondracke finished by adding, “The strip clubs that we have been spotted at together were just a cover, so that people wouldn’t suspect our attraction to eachother.”
“It just makes perfect sense. Every network that has had a program in a Beltway Boys-styled format has at least presented us with the appearance of political dichotomy,” said media insider Les Behan. “You had Buchanan vs. Kinsley, and Ollie North vs. Paul Begala. And then you have a stroke-fest between Kondracke and Barnes.”
FOX News hasn’t released a statement yet, but scores of media insiders are now wondering about the possibilities of other relationships between different FOX News personalities.
“Maybe jobs are procured at News Corp. through sexual favors,” said one media critic, speaking on condition of anonymity.
FOX News personality Will U. Doomey said that he supports the two, despite their sexual relationship.
“If they were liberals, nobody would be saying anything. But since they are Bush-supporting, rabid right wingers, the left is now complaining. What hypocrisy,” said Doomey.
Media watchdog groups have expressed some relief over the recent revelations, as the sexual relationship off-screen helps explain the difficult-to-watch love-fest on-screen. It just “puts the puzzle completely together,” as one media watchdog organization spokesperson explained.
The antics between Fred Barnes and Mort Kondracke have been so unbearable, that even some conservative, pro-family groups have called for re-classifying the Beltway Boys show as some sort of soft-core porn.
“It is porn without the nakedness,” is how the Family Research Council describes the program.
The recent news does leave many observers wondering some things. Are the two rehearsing on the show for what they do in bed, or are they rehearsing in bed for what they do on the show, as one blogger pointedly asks.