WASHINGTON, D.C.–Ben Bernanke and Henry Paulson have announced that they are holding a stick-up of the country using NorthCom. If they don’t get to print themselves $20 trillion more for bailouts, then they will use NorthCom to nuke a city or two or three.
“It is imperative that I have $20 trillion more printed up for bailouts, or else we will have NorthCom start by nuking New York. And then next comes LA, and then San Francisco, and then some other places,” said Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, who was wearing his clown disguise.
Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson echoed Bernanke, by saying that Americans will be sent to concentration camps if Congress doesn’t immediately appropriate $10 trillion to bailout Goldman Sachs.
Congressmembers, President Bush, and President-elect Barack Obama all agree that it is necessary to get $10 trillion to Goldman Sachs ASAP, or else they will support a preemptive nuclear strike against Americans.
“Consider this to be a legalized stick-up using the military, and Americans better not resist. They better lay down and play dead,” said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi.
“We will take everything every American has, and if Americans don’t cooperate, they should expect to be nuked,” said Congressman John Boehner.