Berkeley Unrest Silenced with Marine Invasion

Berkeley, CA (Rotters) – An eerily calm sunset drifted over the restive California town of Berkeley as a Marine assault division settled into its role of martial law. The Marines seized the town without a shot being fired early this morning, wresting control of the city Council from a band of rebels referring to themselves as simply “Code Pink”. The Marines went in after desperate calls for assistance from local business members of the FBI’s Infrargard program.

“These Code Pinkers had manipulated the City Council into banning Marine recruitment in the city, and we were all pretty well being held hostage, ” stated a local resident presented by the marines for an interview. “If that’s not a threat to our nation’s infrastructure, then I don’t know what is.”

A spokesperson for the Marines stated that the town had overall been fairly uncooperative with its efforts to round up members of Code Pink. Coffee houses and internet cafes had been closed and a dusk to dawn curfew imposed.

“This place has been a hotbed of insurgent activity spanning many generations,” stated Texas Republican Senator John Cornyn. “We had attempted to resolve the dispute peacefully by cutting off the city’s federal funds earlier this week, but this proved to be impractical as it would have cut off funding to thousands of other projects, many of them in my own home district in Texas.”

Bush Administration spokesperson Tony Fratto praised the Marines for the fine job that they were doing in Berkeley. “Code Pink has been severely disrupted in Berkeley, and they’re on the run. We are there at the request of businesses, and we will stay until they can install their own government and provide their own security… as they stand up, we will stand down. The president has authorized the discretionary use of extreme interrogation if the need arises. While there will likely be no need for hardened military bases in the future, we will not leave until the job is done.”