Billy Mays Inks Deal to Represent Jesus Christ

Tampa,Florida (Ucs News) The Late TV pitch man Billy Mays has signed a 300 year contract to represent the lord our savor Jesus Christ. According sources in heaven the terms include the rights to the Oxy-clean trademark in the afterlife and salvation in exchange for promoting “Christian values” and ethical behavior.

David Fitch, the long time agent of Billy Mays, stated “This is a great deal for Billy. He worked for years building the brand of Oxy-clean, it’s only fair that he should enjoy the rewards. The salvation part is good for Billy too, I figured it would be touch and go for Billy getting into heaven after selling that Orange-Glo stuff.”

Anthony Sullivan, Mays co-star in the Discovery Series “PitchMen” explained to reporters, “I think this is a great opportunity for Billy to continue his career in the afterlife. I can see him coming to people in their dreams and selling them on the benefits of Christian salvation. Billy can do wonders with even the worst products.”