BIN LADEN HAS RARE INCURABLE TB. HUNT FOR HIM CALLED OFF TO PROTECT TROOPS

KULGUMA, PAKISTAN — A Pakistani doctor, who wishes to remain anonymous, confirmed today, that he was called to this remote mountain area on the Pakistan, Afghanistan border to check on the failing health of Osama bin Laden.


” The doctor, a renowned specialist, who received his medical degree from Harvard Medical School, said his three-day trip by horseback, and accompanied by scores of highly armed Taliban fighters, was to a cave high in an almost uninhabited border region.

” I was shocked, when I saw bin Laden.” he said ” He had lost his beard, hair, and weight…he was obviously deathly sick. I examined him and found that he had an advanced case of ‘extensively drug-resistant tuberculosis’.or XDR TB. It can’t be cured by the two best first-line drugs, isoniazid and rifampin, and is extremely contagious. I warned all those attending him to get tested. Since there was little more I could do, I returned to my practice in Islamabad where I notified General David Patreous, commander of the coalition troops, of my finding. The General asked me to reveal the location of bin Laden so his troops could avoid the area, but ethically, I could not release that information.”

After consulting with Dr. Julie Gerberding, head of the U.S. Center for Disease Control (CDC), General Patraeus, issued am emergency communication to all troop commanders in the Middle East to immediately discontinue searching for bin Laden. ” I can’t subject my men to a dangerous situation where they might become infected.” he told a media gathering. “All of our expeditionary forces in the border region will be tested for TB, and those who are still in contact with Taliban terrorists will be issued face masks.” I am sure that our country does not want our brave heroes exposed to any dangerous risks, so am withdrawing them to the relative safety of Baghdad…and it IS safe here, as I can assure you from my secure office in the fortified Green Zone where I am protected by a skilled team of Blackwater mercenaries.”

Islamic religious leaders sympathetic to bin Laden’s jihad, have urged prayers to God on his behalf for a return to good health, while U.S. Army Chaplains are urging troops in their jurisdiction to pray to God for his quick death. Both groups are awaiting God’s decision.