Unconfirmed sources report the head of Blackwater USA, the largest American mercenary army, has been chosen to be the next Prime Minster of Iraq. The election of Eric Prince and expulsion of current Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki occurred yesterday during a secret session of the Iraqi Parliament. During the historic session Iraqi parliamentarians revised the Iraqi constitution, dumped Maliki and elected Prince in just 45 minutes.
After his elevation to the post of Prime Minster Prince spoke to a reporter from deep within his Green Zone bunker.
“Today is a great day for Iraq and America alike. For Iraqi’s my election to Prime Minster means that finally someone who can really work with the Americans is in charge. My relationship with the American government will allow the government of Iraq to gain focus and direction which it needs.”
“Further, I just don’t have any of the crazy sectarian baggage that is tearing this country apart. I’m glad the Iraqi’s picked me to get this job done. I’m going to straighten this country out and bring peace to Iraq and prosperity to Blackwater USA shareholders.”
The President of the United States cut short his visit to the United Nations to place a call to Prime Minster Price to congratulate him on his victory. He also informed Prince that since he was now sovereign of Iraq any investigation of Blackwater would be suspended.