Blagojevich Pardons 22 Criminals, Including Himself

Unconfirmed sources are reporting that embattled Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has pardoned himself. Blagojevich apparently slipped a pardon for himself in with a group of pardons he issued yesterday.

The pardon clears Blagojevich of any wrongdoing in the controversy over whether he tried to auction off the Illinois Senate seat recently vacated by President Elect Barack Obama.

“This whole controversy has really gotten in the way of me doing my job.” Said Blagojevich, during a press conference late last night. “I decided to pardon myself so that I may get back to the job I was elected to do. The people of Illinois deserve a governor who can spend his time doing the people’s business, not wasting time fighting indictments and investigations. The people of Illinois are tired of the corruption that has clogged the workings of our state government for decades and I am taking a stand here and how against the wasteful political attacks against me.”

Federal investigators, lead by U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, are shocked by the pardon and feel disappointed that all their work has been for nothing. A sense of disappoint pervaded the office of the U.S. Attorney as boxes and boxes of evidence and documents where packed into a trio trucks to be taken into storage.

“We did the best we could,” says an assistant to Fitzgerald, “but the law is the law. If Blagojevich gets a pardon then he gets a pardon.”