BREAKING: Bush Authorizes US Attacks on Myanmar


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Yangon, Myanmar (UPSI) – Hundreds of bomb blasts shook the night sky of Yangon, the capital of Myanmar, and the city was plunged into darkness and confusion as American stealth fighters rained guided ordinance down upon key military junta installations. President Bush is expected to address the nation within the hour to outline the reasons behind what is viewed as a new opening in the war on terror. The surprise attack comes after the president offered harsh criticisms to the government of Myanmar and other dictatorships on the floor of the UN this morning.

Preliminary word from the White House indicated that the president had authorized the surgical strike and invasion on the basis of evidence that the military junta was attempting to acquire nuclear technology. In a variation of a successful sniper baiting tactic employed in Iraq against insurgents and terrorists, the White House stated that it had earlier dropped a shipment of aluminum tubes suitable only for centrifuge use covertly into the country as bait. When individuals then attempted to gather the materials, this was viewed as proof of nuclear intentions and the preventive attack authorized. The White House refused comment on the possibility that a similar international sting operation had been employed three weeks ago during an Israeli strike against Syria.

“We have high hopes that this will be a rapid campaign, and that the monks will be throwing flowers at the feet of our soldiers,” stated White House press secretary Dana Perino. “In light of the newly expanded war front we will be dropping the term “war on terror” and substituting it with “war for freedom and democracy”.”

Initial reports from Yangon claimed that thousands of monks and protesters have been killed or injured in the initial blasts. Reporters embedded with expeditionary American troops are saying that resistance has been limited to an occasional tracer round and monkeys throwing dung at the feet of American soldiers.