Breaking: Bush Checks into Political Detox

Washington, DC (Rotters) – Citing an earlier radio broadcast by White House press secretary Tony Snow in which he expressed the Bush Administration’s desire to “de-toxify” American politics in its remaining two years in power, President Bush late this evening checked himself into a local Gerald Ford political detox unit. The White House issued a statement saying that Vice President Cheney would assume leadership of the country as the president undergoes treatment.

Critics had long suspected that Mr. Bush was displaying all the classic signs of rhetoricalism.

Speeches from the president in years past had often featured some controlled use of rhetoric, but in the last year, Mr. Bush’s speeches had become notably slurred with multiple “stay the course”, and “cut and run” references. Friction reportedly developed in the White House, as some close to the president felt that he had clearly become addicted, while others seemed to enable his behavior with a continual supply of increasingly potent phrases. In the recent incident in which Mr. Bush denied ever using the term “stay the course”, many felt that his denial was a sure sign of the president’s growing addiction to rhetoric.

The White House refused to discuss particulars of the president’s condition, but stated that he was in good spirits and was predicting victory over dangerous Democratic terrorists in the upcoming midterm election. Bush will apparently be in treatment for roughly 4 weeks, but the White House refused to release a timetable. A spokesperson for the Gerald Ford clinic stated that the President would be encouraged yet not required to join Rhetorics Anonymous, and begin working a 12 step program designed to help him abandon his self-destructive addiction to rhetoric and accept a higher reality over which he has no control.