Perhaps emboldened by Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s (D.: New York) admission that her vote to authorize military action in Iraq was just a really, really big mistake, God (Supreme Creator: Heaven) admitted today that He also bears some responsibility for the Iraq debacle, but fell short of taking actual blame, much like United States President George W. Bush also so far has. In a rare interview, the Supreme Being attempted to explain His involvement in the failed invasion and ongoing occupation by the Anglo-American Alliance while at the same time placing the blame squarely of the shoulders of Mr. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, former Secretary of Dense Donald Rumsfeld and former Assistant Secretary Paul Wolfowitz. He blamed the disaster on faulty intelligence.
“In that respect, it was all My fault”, a chagrined Yahweh admitted, “I mean, I’m the One who gave them faulty intelligence when I created them. I also admit that even creating those bozo’s in the first place weren’t some of My better moments…but I was distracted each time; you see, Wolfowitz was born December 23rd, 1943, and I was getting ready for the Kid’s birthday while at the same time working with Eisenhower to plan D-Day. Cheney? Helping FDR deal with Japan’s island hopping…WWII took a lot of work. I was hung over from the Fourth of July the year Bush was born and as for Rumsfeld…well, the whole world was Depressed in 1932, not just Me. Look, I’ve got a lot going on every day, after all and…you know…sometimes things just kinda get away from Me, okay?”
As for Bush’s assertion that it was God who actually told him to invade in 2003, the Creator flatly denied the charge, handing out transcripts and saying, “The actual conversation went like this: I told him that of course Saddam had the chemical precursors to biological WMD’s, after all, his father, Rumsfeld and Ronald Regan were the ones that gave them to him in the first place, which just kills Me, but they were probably spoiled by now. But it all morphed in Bush’s brain into ‘of course there were WMD’s and Saddam tried to kill his daddy.’ Go figure; sometimes the whole “Free Will” thing I do can be a real bitch.” George W. Bush is said to be furious with God; word is that the White House is planning to out His only Son as a Jew.
In an effort to shift focus away from their defeat of a non-binding resolution on Iraq last week, Republican Senators have presented a non binding resolution of their own that would express a no confidence vote in God’s policies.