Breaking: John Snow Is Out, Tom Delay Is In

Washington, DC (Rotters) – Early this morning President George W. Bush stated in a hastily prepared news conference that Treasury Secretary John Snow would be stepping down for personal reasons in order to “spend more time with his investments”. Effective immediately, Bush stated that Tom Delay would resign from the House of Representatives and assume the vacant position. This comes one day after Bush publicly stated that Snow would not be removed in a rumored administration shakeup.

“He has been a valuable member of my administration, I trust his judgment and appreciate his service,” Bush said of Tom Delay at a news conference in the White House.

Delay spoke to reporters present, saying: “I look forward to serving the president in this capacity, because I think money is what I do best. This should go a long way in silencing the truly evil people who have cast aspersions and doubt upon my integrity. This ridiculous sham of a trial will go on in Texas but it will not interfere with my service to the country. Even if I am falsely convicted, I’ve been assured that there are no real barriers to a convicted felon serving in this capacity.”