Breaking: Suspicious package at White House

Washington, DC (APE) – Law enforcement officers and secret service were called today to investigate a suspicious package left near a pedestrian gate to the White House. The package was discovered just as the president had left aboard Marine One for a trip and planned appearance before supporters in West Virginia.

Security was initially drawn to the package by none other than First Pooch Barney, a retired drug sniffing dog. Barney, who had remained behind on the president’s trip to Wheeling, became agitated with the package just outside the fence, and alerted authorities to its presence.

The Secret Service immediately secured the White House, and the national terror alert level was raised to red. A Homeland Security official stated that the terror alert level would remain at red indefinitely as the investigation continued.

Witnesses, before being taken into custody, claimed that the package was clearly addressed to the president, and had a return address of the Columbian Embassy.

White House Spokesperson Scott McClellan assured reporters present that the situation was under control and there was no need to become excited or propagate rumors. “I think that this was likely just an unannounced internal test of our security,” he snorted. “The president has long had close ties with Columbia and the leadership there. This is just the type of co-operative venture that we might pursue.”