British Suspects Detained in "Cheese Bomb" Training Run

Miami, FL (APE) – Transportation Security Administration authorities today confirmed the arrest of two British suspects in connection with a recent spate of what are described as “dry run” airline bombings. Authorities stated that the two may likely have been complicit in what are described as fake devices using modeling clay or block cheese that were seized in four separate incidents in the last two years at various US airports.

The two were detained at Miami international Airport upon entering the US from Great Britain. At a routine customs inspection, carry-on luggage was found to contain timers, wiring, screws, batteries and other unspecified gadgets apparently duct taped to three blocks of “Wensleydale Cheese” , and 5 pounds of flesh colored modeling clay. The cheese appeared to have been densely coated with chopped walnuts to produce a shrapnel effect upon detonation.

Officials stated that one suspect has given the authorities the name of “Wallace”, but is refusing to divulge a surname. The second suspect has steadfastly refused to speak with authorities and appears to interact with the first through means of a special visual code and gestures, leading authorities to suspect that he may indeed be the mastermind. “Wallace” has thus far maintained his innocence and has denied any terrorist affiliations for the two, and insists that the cheese, modeling clay, and other devices were necessary for his work as a self-proclaimed inventor.

Authorities urged Americans to remain frightened, but not overly so. The FBI and CIA are investigating the possibility that the two suspects may have indeed posed as physicians and a variety of other occupations in the past.

Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff issued a brief statement praising the efforts of domestic security services in the unraveling of the Miami plot, and urging Americans to maintain vigilance. “Always trust your gut on these things,” Chertoff stated to reporters, “unless, of course, you happen to be lactose intolerant.”