Britney Files Restraining Order Against Osama

Los Angeles, CA (DMZ) – The parents of hospitalized pop tart Britney Spears yesterday filed a massive restraining order against her purported manager/confidante Osama “Sam” Lutfi. Citing Svengali like influence over Ms. Spears, the order denies Lutfi any and all access to her person, property, and finances. The Spears family expressed amazement at how rapidly Osama had been able to gain access and influence over their daughter, orchestrating her career through the use of alcohol and mind altering substances. The family claim that this latest intervention occurred just in time, stating that police had uncovered a developing plot to have Britney spirited away to the middle east.

In a related development yesterday, CIA Director Michael Hayden cited new intelligence claiming that Al Qaeda had begun to make dramatic inroads into the West through a steadily increasing march of Westerners into Al Qaeda training camps along the Pakistan/Afghanistan border.

“It’s the oldest B-movie plot in Hollywood history,” stated Hayden, “the beautiful, na