(New York–NY) The Time-Warner center was packed with journalists as Time-Warner CEO Richard Parsons, no relation to Alan, announced, with both Britney Spears and Michael Jackson present, that Time-Warner Books will be publishing the pop duos parenting book, “A Baby Is Tougher Than You Think”. Business analysts believe that not since the 2000 merger between AOL and Time-Warner has the media behemoth’s future been so apparent.
Though some of the New York press remained to be convinced, the Village Voice’s Michael Musto after the introduction of the book said, “And who’s going to be doing the foreword, Susan Smith?” However since most of the reporters were from People and InStyle, the only other incidents were several cases of brown tinged chapped lips. Thankfully, reality was kept to a minimum.
“I know people have been giving me a lot of crap for having my son in my lap while I was driving,” said Spears in her opening statement. “But I just need his father’s head down there all the time when I’m driving and nothing ever happens to him, and I say ‘like father like son’. Is that wrong?” Jackson agreed. “People are so funny, Britney. They say dangling your son off of a balcony is wrong. Well, it’s only wrong if you drop him and you don’t cover his head to protect him from all those nasty germs in the air.”
A reporter from Entertainment Tonight then asked Spears what the toughest part of driving with her son on her lap was? She was quick to say, “right turns, his head is still soft, and I didn’t want to elbow him.” Jackson again agreed. “Yes. Riding with little boys sure can be a tight fit.”
While the exact content of the book is not written, Spears summed up the spirit. “I want people to know that stars, like us, have knowledge to impart, like when you’re really jonseing for Red Bull and you’re out of it, and your Nanny is giving your husband a hand, wait until she’s done to go and get that Red Bull.” Jackson added: “And if Jehovah didn’t want us dangling our children from a hotel balcony, he wouldn’t have invented heaven.”
Time-Warner stock dropped 25 points after the press conference.
Check out Ed-E-torial #1.
Check out Ed-E-torial #2 .
If you want to reach Ed E, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or visit Attic Witt
Subscribe to Ed-E-torial Podcast
Watch Ed-E-torial Number 7