Britney Spears–Mother To Be Is Author Too

(Library of Congress–Washington, D.C.) Oops, she did it again. The once virgin now pregnant pop mom is publishing her first book on parenting. The tome, titled “You Think Being A Mom Is Hard? Try Dancing on Stage with A Python”, will hit book stores next week.

Wearing a sequined halter top and her trademark hip-hugger jeans (though now with an elastic waist back), the ever increasing Spears announced the blessed publishing event at a press conference in the Library of Congress. “There are a lot of books in here, and Monday there’s going to be one more,” remarked Spears as she gestured to the library stacks behind her with one hand while eating a Yodel with the other. “Eating for two,” said Spears; and then dispatched the remainder of the chocolate and marshmallow treat.

When asked what experience she has writing a book on parenting, since she’s only 23 and hasn’t even given birth yet, Spears’ reply was unintelligible due to the fourth Yodel she had put in her mouth. What was intelligible was “I bet you didn’t know that I could fit that much in my mouth. Why do you think Kevin is always smiling?” Spears laughed, spewing Yodel fallout over the group of reporters and asked: “Does anyone know that when you’re a pregnant woman you can get incontinent? Well, that’s some of the advice I’m going to have in my book. Okay. I know what you’re thinking: ‘Wait that’s not advice on how to be a Mom.’ No. It isn’t, but it’s good to know, especially if you’re wearing good panties.”

Spears also squashed rumors that the book was ghost written. “I wrote it. Actually, I dictated it into a machine, and someone else wrote it. So I guess technically I didn’t write it. I spoke it. But I want to stress here, in front of all of these books, I did speak it. There was no ghost speaker.”

While the entire book is not available for preview, some sections have been released, particularly Chapter headings, all of which seem to begin with “Oops.” “Oops, I forgot to put in my diaphragm again.” “Oops, I dropped the baby again.” “Oops, I left the baby at the mall again.” When asked why she did this, Spears said: “It sold me like a zillion records. Now watch this.” She then fellated a Yodel.

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