Britney Spears' Placenta On Auction at eBay!

(Los Angeles–CA) Britney Spears’ publicist, Emma Lazarus, has confirmed that Britney Spears’ placenta will be auctioned on eBay and the proceeds donated to the Center For Universal Adoption. Lazarus explained Spears’ decision. “She told me: ‘My afterbirth could be the birth of an adopted child becoming like a Brady.'” Lazarus said that Spears was quick to add: “‘And I don’t mean Cousin Oliver. I mean like Bobby.'”

The precedent was set when Spears’ pregnancy test was auctioned on an Ottawa radio station for charity. This trend didn’t go unnoticed by entrepreneur, Thom “Otis” Giovenco, a former elevator technician, who formed Hollywood Organic, LLC. “It’s the next step in collectibles because it’s THE way to really have a piece of your favorite star.” Giovenco has signed “celebrity organic product” licensing agreements for “Russell Crowe’s left index finger’s nail clippings, Lindsay Lohan’s areola fuzz and a futures contract on Jessica Simpson’s first male child’s number two.”

Giovenco also revealed that Hollywood Organic brokered the eBay deal but denied that he will make any money on the auction. He remains committed to “helping the kids through something that’s usually just an inactive ingredient in a hair-care product.” Giovenco went on to say that both “Sotheby’s and eBay were in it until the end.” However, he would not divulge what finally “broke the water. See how I worked that birth thing in!” He did reveal that three likely “power bidders” will be cosmetics giant Coty, who wants the placenta to extract Spears’ pheromones for use in a new scent; Jean Jacques Le Beaux, a voodoo priest from Louisiana, who believes it will make a “potent love powder when dried, mixed with cayenne then pulverized over a virgin’s tombstone”; and finally, “a Gentleman who wishes to remain nameless but lives deep in the Montana woods in a decommissioned missile silo, who described himself as ‘just a fan.'”

When Spears’ publicist, Lazarus, was asked if this notion of auctioning celebrity body byproducts seemed unnervingly similar to the supposed relics bought by the faithful during the Middle Ages, she replied: “I asked Britney that. And she said: ‘No. That was hocus-BOGUS. This is the real-DEAL-E-O.'”

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