Britney Spears Selling Unwashed Bra on eBay

HOLLYWOOD – Fans longing to get up close and personal with Britney Spears now have their chance, thanks to a fundraising auction currently running on eBay. Spears, who was born and raised and briefly attended school in Kentwood, Louisiana, is holding a virtual rummage sale to help raise money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. She is offering dozens of personal items, most of them unwashed, to the highest bidders. Among these items are a jewel-encrusted bra, a sweat-encrusted T-shirt, several thongs, a pair of flipflops, a diaphragm, and a half-used tube of Valtrex.

Spears, who hopes to raise “like, lots of money” for hurricane victims, is also auctioning several items she purchased for her husband, Kevin Federline Spears. These potential collectibles include a pure silk do-rag, a tie-dyed wife beater, an unused bar of soap, and a large-print version of The Cat in the Hat.

The auction, which opened last Saturday and runs until this Friday, was announced on Spears’ website: “This is a great opportunity to get some cool (and rare) Britney items while contributing to a very important cause!”

A source close to Spears said the singer had originally intended to hire several U-hauls to drive the clothing, jewelry, and furniture items—”including Kevin’s favorite Red Bull poster”—to a temporary distribution center in the Kentwood Indoor Rodeo Arena. Her plans were changed when she learned that the distribution center accepted only clean clothes and unstained furniture.

“Ah was, lack, totally bummed at first, y’all,” confessed Spears in an audio message uploaded to her website. “But then mah sister toll me we could git more money if’n we sold this [stuff] on eBay and laundered the money afterward.”

To insure that persons bidding on Spears’ memorabilia do not attempt to profit from their purchases, they must sign a pledge that they will not resell the items. Buyers must also sign a waiver indemnifying Spears from any medical damages if items of clothing are worn before they’ve been sterilized.

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