Brooks Institute Closes Its Doors


Santa Barbara based Brooks Institute announced today that it will be closing its doors because of drafts, insects and general annoyances with having the doors open.

Shelly Green, a receptionist at the Ventura campus stated, “when the doors are open papers fly around all over the place and the mosquitoes drive me crazy! It’s hard to get any work done with the doors open all the time!”

Other school officials have stated that the campus can become quite noisy during the daytime and this interferes with their concentration. Admissions Representative Nick Faht stated, “I’m trying to enroll students. When the side door is open I can hear some of the film students working on projects and they make such a ruckus! I may even go so far as to close my windows!”

Many of the students complain that the school is not properly air conditioned and closing the doors would make them uncomfortable. 22 year old photography student Eleanor Howell stated, “This is Southern California! It gets hot here, especially when the doors are closed! I didn’t move all the way here from Iowa to sweat my ass off!”

Not everyone was opposed to closing the doors at the famed institution. Brooks Vice President Elmo Fudd stated that he enjoys having the doors closed. “I’m from the tropics and even with the doors closed and wearing a wool suit I am chilly. We should close the doors and turn on the heat! Make it a nice, comfy 105 degrees!”

Acting Brooks President Sue Kirk encourages students to wear fewer clothes, drink plenty of fluids and carry small, battery operated fans to cool off.

“These are desperate times and we’re trying to save money”, Kirk stated.

There is also some question as to whether the school will be open next year after a group of investors backed out from buying the school two months ago.