Bush administration to use loyalty oaths

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After watching the testimony of his former Director of Political Affairs, Sara Taylor, President George W. Bush was in disbelief when he learned that she hadn’t really taken a loyalty oath. Sara Taylor admitted under questioning by Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) that she never did take the loaylty oath, as she had previously stated. President Bush reacted to the startling revelation over weekend.

“I watched Sara Taylor’s testimony, and I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself, ‘What?!?!’ She didn’t take a loyalty oath to me?” President Bush exclaimed.

President Bush called the revelation that Sara Taylor didn’t really take a loyalty oath a “sign that there has been a breakdown of leadership” at the highest levels of his administration. He has since taken measures to correct this breakdown.

Since President Bush learned that at least some of his aides haven’t taken a loyalty oath, the President has ordered via Executive Order LOYALTYOATH2007 that the Constitutional Oath be replaced with a Presidential Loyalty Oath. All elected and appointed federal government officials will have to take the Presidential Loyalty Oath, including the President himself.

The new oath that all Congressmen, Senators, judges, and appointed officials will have to take reads as follows:

“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I, (full name), will support and defend President George W. Bush against all of his critics and enemies, both foreign and domestic; that I will do everything in my power to aid his friends and allies; that I will be sure to donate as much money as possible to pro-Bush causes; that I will never support any investigations of any alleged wrongdoings by President George W. Bush that may have hypothetically offended somebody’s conscience; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to President George W. Bush; that I will obey all of President George W. Bush’s orders, under penalty of political reprisal for failure; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties that President George W. Bush or his agents assign to me: So help me President George W. Bush.”

President Bush said that he may also consider mandating secrecy oaths on top of the Presidential Loyalty Oath.