Bush Administration tries to sell Iraq war

Unconfirmed sources report President George W. Bush is eager to conclude the war in Iraq before the 2006 midterm elections. With his poll numbers dropping and support for the war sagging to new lows the President demanded the Pentagon make changes in the Iraq strategy. This week, The President and top Pentagon officials have finally agreed on a new order of battle for the Iraqi theater of operations.

After consulting with the Federal Reserve Bank chairman Alan Green Span and other Wall Street institutions, The Pentagon plans to spin off the entire war in Iraq with a massive IPO sale. The value of the Iraqi conflict over it’s expected 9 year life span is estimated at well over 450 billion dollars. Negotiations with several defense contractors, hedge funds and private equity firms has already lifted the selling projected selling price above 525 billion.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld the master mind of the scheme spoke to reporters today explaining the details of the proposed sale. “It’s not likely that one firm will purchase all the rights to Irag and the war, so I can see a coalition of the wealthy taking on the project.” Experts agree, the war run as a for profit venture is best in the hands of experience defense contractors and energy companies. But the venture is not with out it’s hazards. The land lease for the territory is only good if the new Iraqi government remains intact and the new owners should expect tough contract negotiations with the troops and citizens on the ground.

The top contender plotting to buy a controlling interest in the war is a partnership of Exxon/Mobil/KBR and Fox news. Financial watchers agree the Exxon/Mobil/KBR/Fox group is well suited to efficiently run combat operations, exploit energy reserves and market the conflict to a wider audience. Expect to see a new Tv series and action figures released soon after the purchase.

The President is thrilled at the prospect of a quick sale of the conflict. The boost to the budget and a release from the unpopular war should help make the presidents daily life more balanced. Critics complain the sale allows the President to shift responsibility away from his administration and the true motive of the buyers is to use the failing mission as a massive tax write off to protect the windfall profits generated from high gasoline prices.