Bush Announces Aggressive Iraqi Public Education Initiative

Washington, DC (APE) – Expanding on an appearance last night on CBS’s 60 minutes, President Bush today announced that the administration would begin an aggressive campaign called “No Iraqi Left Behind”, which is designed to educate Americans as to the importance of sticking with the administration’s newly announced surge plan in Iraq. Bush stated yesterday in an interview with CBS’s Scott Pelley that the role of president is ever changing and that sometimes you have to be, “the educator in chief”.

In a press conference this morning, Bush proclaimed victory over the debate in regards to the course of action in Iraq, citing his critics’ inability to come up with any better plan over the weekend. He then called on Congress to sign on board in a bipartisan manner with his newly unveiled “No Iraqi Left Behind” public educational legislation.

“Early this morning we reviewed the executions of Saddam co-defendants Barzan Ibrahim and Awad Hamed al-Bandar,” stated Bush, ” and while flawed by a technical decapitation, we found the hangings to be a vast improvement over that of Saddam Hussein. Iraqi justice is making slow and steady progress with our newly established educational benchmarks.”

The president went on to explain that “No Iraqi Left Behind” would be an ongoing combined project between the Department of Homeland Security and Department of Defense. Its two-pronged goal will be to educate the American public as to the importance of keeping American servicemen in Iraq as well as educating the Iraqi government and population in regards to the importance for equal and swift justice. Funding for the project would would come from congressional funds set aside for special investigations and oversight, which have remained unused for the last six years. Citing the importance of an educated public, Bush stated that the funds would be reverted back into investigation and oversight as the public and Congress became more informed.

With a nod towards the late Martin Luther King Jr., President Bush concluded by saying, “I have a dream where all of Allah’s children, Sunis and Shias are equal, and beholden to a swift American and democratic style of justice. Then we will all be able to say, free at last, free at last… Hot damn! We’re free at last!”