(Washington) At a press conference this morning, President George W. Bush announced he has been conducting a campaign to destroy the U.S. economy in order to combat illegal immigration and terrorism.
Bush claimed that a shrinking dollar, rising interest rates, increased government spending, huge personal debts, the war in Iraq, a depressed housing market and negative cash flows are discouraging would-be illegal immigrants from entering the U.S.
“We need to stop illegal immigration at the source”, Bush said at the press conference. “The reasons people are sneaking across the border are because they are seeking better jobs, better home life, more financial security and a better quality of life. If we eliminate these incentives then illegal immigration will become a thing of the past”.
“Terrorists attack the U.S. because they feel threatened by our tremendous wealth”, Bush continued. “If they feel that they are better off than we are then they will no longer feel the need to attack us”.
U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson agreed with the President’s statement. “Our country has been too wealthy for too long”, Paulson said. “We must destroy the infrastructure of the nation in order to keep Mexicans, Canadians and other illegals from landing on our shore.”
Director of National “Intelligence” Mike McConnell said that the U.S. will start playing films at all border crossing displaying the decaying state of America. “When them illegals catch a glimpse of how bad America is they will change their minds and go home”, McConnell stated.
At a Rose Garden reception later this afternoon George W. Bush expressed confidence that his plan will work.
“i want to go down in history as the man who stopped the Mexicans from climbing over our fence”, Bush told an associate.