Bush Announces Troop Cut and his name is Ben Higgins

(Washington) In a surprise move that is sure to confound the Presidents critics, President Bush has announced that the United States will begin to pull out of Iraq this month. The President said that “due to the improving situation in Iraq we will be able to make a troop cut starting in just two weeks. The President then turned to a live video link to Iraq and introduced the troop that would be brought home, Private Ben Higgins.

The return of Higgins from Iraq marks a major policy change for the White House that had insisted the troop ‘surge’ must continue into next year to achieve its full effect.

“This is really going to take the wind out the Democratic anti-war movement.” Says Washington watcher David Brooks. “With this troop cut Bush has completely neutralized the Iraq war as an issue in the 2008 election. It’s brilliant. The President has done it again. At one stroke he has cleared the field of anti-war Democratic Presidential hopefuls and left it wide open for the Republicans.”

The lucky troop to be brought home, Private Ben Higgins, is a twenty three year old truck mechanic from Clear Lake Florida. He joined the army four years ago and has done two full tours in Iraq. When asked by reporters how it felt to be the lucky troop coming home Higgins said he was tired and just wanted to be home in time for Christmas to be with his two kids.

He went on to say how he wished all American troops to could leave Iraq and also how it would be nice if all the Iraqis could leave too. “It’s a mess here, and I feel real sorry for the people who have to live here.”