Bush Caps off Upbeat Week in the News with a Political Coup

Seattle, WA (Rotters) – Capping off a decidedly upturned week in the news for the Bush administration the president made an appearance yesterday in Washington state to endorse Republican candidates in various state and local races. Media reporters greeting the president as he disembarked Air Force One were stunned to see him emerge with peace activist Cindy Sheehan in tow. According to White House sources, this was the culmination of the administration’s working behind the scenes in secret for months in negotiations to allow Mrs. Sheehan the audience with the president that she has demanded.

“We’re excited to have her, and other Gold Star moms aboard now,” stated presidential adviser Karl Rove. “The president is a very persuasive man, and over the course of a two-hour visit, Mrs. Sheehan seemed to realize the error of her ways.”

Friends and family of Sheehan had become concerned over her unexplained disappearance for much of the day yesterday, as she was whisked away in secrecy to meet with the president. Sheehan’s meeting comes as a stunning blow to what the administration describes as a weakening anti-war insurgency within America. Sheehan later appeared at a campaign stop with Bush in support of Washington freshman Republican Representative Dave Reichert. Sheehan spoke little at both appearances, and when she did, witnesses described her speech is being slurred and almost unintelligible. She appeared tearful and emotionally overwhelmed, often relying on the president and others to maintain her balance.

Sheehan’s immediate family became concerned after she returned from the trip and appeared obtunded. A representative for the family stated that out of concern, blood tests were performed on Sheehan which tested positive for both Rohypnol and Gamma Hydroxybutyrate.

Rove refused to speculate as to the reasons for the illicit drugs showing up in Sheehan’s system. “This is not the time to be casting aspersions upon this poor woman who has suffered such a great loss,” stated Rove. “Our energies should be focused on welcoming back into the fold our fellow citizens who are beginning to wake up and find themselves on the wrong side of the issues in the war on terror.”