President George W. Bush announced to the news media last night that he has no intention of stopping global warming and actually hopes it will increase.
“My advisors informed me last night”, Bush began in a prepared speech, “that global warming has removed most of the ice that prevented ships from traveling along the Northwest passage that runs from Greenland to Alaska. This has enabled ships to deliver goods much more easily and efficiently from Asian to Europe. The American consumer will benefit from this in the long run”.
Bush claimed that prices for European and Asian goods should drop significantly within the next year. This would help defray global fuel and transportation costs thus resulting in faster, more economical transportation of merchandise.
Bush claimed during the speech that items such as underwear, jewelry, socks, jeans and other imported items should cost less and this will help stimulate the American economy.
The President also pointed out that with rising winter temperatures comes less need for home heating oil, gas, coal and other forms of energy.
“This past winter I was able to leave the White House several times in the middle of February wearing only a sweater. Global warming has been the best thing to happen to this country”.
The President also stated during the same speech that he intends to drop a nuclear bomb on Iran.