Bush Concludes Mideast Visit in Egypt with Light Saber Rattling


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Egypt (UPSI) – President Bush today concludes in Egypt his tour of the Middle East that the White House has characterized as “a stunningly successful wake-up call to America’s allies.” From impediments to the Israeli Palestine peace process to the ongoing conflicts in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan, the White House sought to refocus the blame on Tehran, which it considered the source of all problems in the area, and the last remaining country in its vaunted “Axis of Evil”.

The Bush administration sought to promote a video documented confrontation between Iranian speedboats and American naval vessels in the Strait of Hormuz earlier in the week as evidence of Iran’s continued designs for war. The vetting of the video fell apart as the week progressed with the Pentagon later admitting that it had spliced a controversial narrative into the footage. It was later revealed that an American serviceman was the source of the joking commentary. The Pentagon has further steadfastly refuted claims from the Iranian government that the boats in question were being used by the Iranian Olympic Waterski teams, and that the trailing skiers had been digitally removed.

“We had not heard that,” stated White House press secretary Dana Perino when questioned about the incident. “Answering questions about their past waterskiing activities is a step, but they still need to suspend their training and practice activity in the strait.”

The White House’s criticism of Iran occurred as the International Olympic Committee reported that Iranian delegates had promised to answer key questions within a month about their country’s waterskiing aspirations. Iran also provided information about its efforts to develop an advanced waterski which would reduce drag more efficiently than a model it now uses.

Bush remained strangely silent over well-documented human rights abuses by Egypt, acknowledging only that there had been “setbacks” in the region. “You cannot win elections were opposition candidates themselves don’t fear being harassed or sent to prison,” stated Bush. “For decades, the people of America have seen their desire for liberty and justice denied at home and dismissed abroad in the name of stability.”