Baghdad, Iraq (Rotters) – With Iraq and the middle east abuzz over the news of the death of Al-Qaeda lieutenant mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, president Bush today revealed his personal role in the killing. After an all night flight from New Mexico aboard Air Force One, Bush talked of his role with the combined Iraqi-American forces in laying down suppressive fire to pin down Zarqawi’s group while waiting on the helicopter air strike.
“It got kind of hot and heavy there for a while,” stated the president, “but we eventually smoked him, as they say. I wanted in on this one, because it was personal… they went after my dad.”
Bush was quick to point out that this was a team effort involving co-operation between American forces and the new Iraqi government. “I just left a place in America where we’re successfully securing borders, and I’m proud that we have finally done it here in Iraq for these good peoples.” said Bush. “I hope Iraqis can now begin to adopt and assimilate American culture just as we are encouraging immigrants to do back home.”
Iraqi/American intelligence had received word that Zarqawi and a band of loyalists were in the area north of Baghdad, possibly plotting further mayhem and destruction. When the information was deemed reliable, the president was notified, and a rapid joint response termed “Operation Falafel” was set into motion.
Algae-Zebra released footage of the final moments of Zarqawi and his band which they had received from anonymous sources. The anonymous sources stated that Zarqawi was practicing for an upcoming relief concert to aid the displaced, and victims of atrocities in Iraq. The CIA was scrambling to verify the authenticity of the footage and still captures.
President Bush, who had seen the footage earlier commented, “I personally don’t doubt that the pictures are real. It shows how far we still have to go with our intelligence gathering. Who knew that he played? Can you imagine someone just playing guitar while a country is destroyed all around him?”