Bush Crucified in New Book, "Tempting Faith"

Washington, DC (APE) – “Just get me a F—ing Faith-Based thing. Got it?!?” said chief presidential adviser Karl Rove to Bush aide Don Willet in 2001, according to the new book, Tempting Faith, by David Kuo. The book is scheduled to be released in print on Monday, but quotations from advanced copies have the White House screaming about Democratic political machinations, three weeks before the elections.

Kuo, a fundamentalist conservative Republican who was a former insider with the administration’s largely unfunded Faith Based Initiatives, also claims that the Bush administration regularly referred to its evangelical supporters as “goofy” and “nuts”. He also offered evidence that rumors of the administration’s use of code words and phrases as well as visual symbolism, to placate its base during public appearances were in fact true.

The White House early this morning went on the offensive at a press conference with Press Secretary Tony Snow. Snow described charges set forth in the book as “bordering upon blasphemous”, and accused Kuo of being a “Judas of the highest order”.

“To accuse this president of such a cynical lack of faith ought to be a mortal sin,” stated Snow. “With the coming elections, only three weeks away, I can honestly say that this entire administration has been praying together almost daily.”

“I personally admire President Bush for his ability to turn the other cheek, during these times of adversity,” continued Snow. “He in fact had predicted that this turn of events would occur, with his ultimate betrayal. He wants to assure everyone, however, that despite the outcome of the election in November, his administration will rise again in the hearts and minds of true believers in America.”

Conservative religious activist James Dobson, who was cited in the book, was contacted for comment. A spokesperson for Mr. Dobson stated that the Reverend had made a decision to “wash his hands of the entire incident”.