Bush Declares State of Hawaii Disaster Area

Honolulu, Hawaii (APE) – Flying aboard Air Force One overnight, President Bush made a surprise visit to the 50th state to inspect personally the damages from yesterday’s 6.5 magnitude earthquake and subsequent aftershocks. He met briefly with Hawaiian governor, Linda Lingle, promising whatever resources the state needed to avoid a Katryna-like disaster. Miraculously, no one seems to have died from the powerful quake at this point, and the majority of people have been able to return fairly rapidly to their homes.

Bush announced that in a further safeguard to make sure that this disaster was handled appropriately, he was reappointing Michael Brown as a special assistant to homeland security Secretary Michael Chertoff. The administration felt that Brown would bring infinite experience to the unfolding disaster.

Brown immediately announced a massive relief effort funded by the government, which would likely require commandeering of cruise lines, based in Los Angeles and other ports along the West Coast. FEMA immediately began taking bids from appropriate, faith-based and Republican spearheaded relief organizations. “Brownie has arranged a heck of a relief effort for anyone interested,” stated Bush.

The White House stated that the president would likely extend his inspection tour over the next week, conducting the business of state from a military facility located within Diamond Head, just outside of Honolulu.

Plans for the following day include an inspection tour by bike of the damage sustained to Haleakala National Park on nearby Maui. On the next day, Bush will inspect damages sustained to the local tourism industry with an in-depth inspection of how, in particular, the deep sea fishing industry has been affected. The evening will finish with a memorial fundraising luau for both the victims of the earthquake and Governor Lingle’s reelection campaign.