Bush Declares War on Iran

Washington, DC (APE) – With a strong show of bi-partisan support from Joe Lieberman and the Connecticut for Lieberman party, President Bush early this morning announced that a de-facto state of war now exists between Iran and the Iraqi coalition forces. An Iranian consulate in the northern Iraqi town of Irbil was raided by US forces at approximately 3AM local time practically as the president was outlining his “New Way Forward” in Iraq to the American People in a nationally televised address. Iranian personnel as well as computers and papers have been reportedly seized, but the Pentagon and the White House refused further comment on the incident, citing national security concerns.

“If any mistakes are made from this point on, they won’t be my fault.” Bush insisted.

Bush and Lieberman went on to emphasize the importance of the planned deployment of the patriot antimissile system to address the threat from Iran’s R-27 and Shaab missile systems. The battle tested and hardened patriot system was credited in 2003 with the downing of a US Navy pilot.

Depending upon an investigation of the seized paperwork and computers, Bush went on to state that the next likely series of events would include strategic nuclear strikes launched from US aircraft carrier assets in the Persian Gulf, which would be designed to wipe out Iran’s controversial nuclear enrichment facilities.

“We certainly hope this answers the criticisms from fatalistic defeatists who would claim that a surge of 21,000 troops is not enough,” stated Lieberman. “We have essentially ‘doubled down’ with the very future of our country at stake.” Lieberman then turned to Bush and gave him a kiss and a hug in a decidedly emotional display.

The news of the declaration of a state of war caught Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid somewhat flat-footed as they attempted to respond to the president’s announced plans for a troop surge in Iraq last night. “Shock and awe, is all I can say,” stated Pelosi.