Washington, DC (Rotters) – Seeking to engorge his base prior to the midterm election, President Bush granted an exclusive interview at the White House yesterday to Right Wing radio talkshow host Rush Limbaugh to discuss the war in Iraq and firm up his support for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. The eager Limbaugh was happy to provide his services to the president and his listeners. Bush insisted to Limbaugh that he fully intended to stay onboard Rumsfeld for the remainder of his term as president.
“Don is a man who is capable of performing in many positions, and at the same time he is excellent at being able to reach around if he needs to.” stated Bush. “He continues to provide great service to me and therefore this country.”
Limbaugh spent a few embarrassing minutes initially attempting to personally adjust the president’s microphone before giving up. He quipped: “See me later, Mr. President, I think I’ve got a few pills that just might do the trick.”
The president also defended the administration’s performance in Iraq, answering growing complaints from GI’s on the ground that the entire situation as documented by a leaked Pentagon graphic yesterday was rapidly descending into what they termed a “cluster fuck”. “I don’t like that term,” Bush bristled. “What we’ve done with our troops throughout this campaign is a series of multiple rapid strategic insertions and withdrawals. We’ll continue this with our troops until the Iraqis are trained to assume their positions. We will not withdraw prematurely until this rape of democracy in the middle east has ended.”
“I understand our guys’ frustrations,” continued Bush. “War is a lot like sex… even though you might have a headache, or it hurts or something, you still have to perform your duties.”
The two also discussed the recent gaffe by Senator John Kerry. “Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words,” Mr. Bush said, “And our troops deserve full protection from the people in this administration.”