Washington, DC (Rotters) – White House reporters yesterday were subjected to an impromptu jig by the president as Arizona Senator John McCain was roughly 15 minutes late for his own formal endorsement ceremony. No explanations for the Senator’s tardiness were forthcoming, but a McCain campaign spokesperson vehemently denied rumors that the hold up was over White House Security’ s reported discovery of a covert recording device found on the Senator. “That’s just silly, and frankly a dangerous allegation to make”, stated the spokesperson.
After his arrival, Senator McCain was “Made” during a brief, highly secretive ceremony which was closed to reporters and even close friends and family. Present only were Vice President Dick Cheney, and President Bush’s closest aides. Former presidential aide Karl Rove reportedly attended as well via videoconference.
McCain participated in an ancient Republick tradition during which he swore an “Omerka”, or oath of allegiance, to the Bush family. Filled with symbolism, the highly secretive “Omerka” is traditionally performed as the made candidate pricks his finger and drips blood onto a small photograph of former President Ronald Reagan. The photograph is then burned in the hand of the candidate as he recites his death allegiance to the family. President Bush has reportedly added his own twist to the traditional ceremony by then applying a brand in the shape of a “W” to the buttocks of the Made individual with a heated coat hanger.
Posing for photographers afterwards, the president gave McCain the traditional kiss to both cheeks to seal the deal.
“The president is ready to support Senator McCain however he sees best,” stated White House spokesperson Dana Perino. “He has many connections with influential people which he can bring to bear. The president is very confident of a Republick surge in fortunes this fall, resulting in retention of the White House and a retaking of Congress. If a marginally close race again winds up in the hands of the Supreme Court, President Bush is confident that justice will be done.”
“These are just some of the hoops that a good politician has to jump through,” confided an anonymous McCain staffer. “To someone on the outside, these rites may seem extreme, or cruel, but no lasting pain or injury is done to the participant. Senator McCain knows of torture firsthand, and this small initiation rite doesn’t come close.”