Bush Finishes Third behind Clinton and Hastert in Annual DC Husband Carrying Competition

Washington, DC (APE) – Thousands turned out for the annual “Husband Carrying Competition” on the Mall in Washington, DC this past weekend. The annual race, featuring national leaders from both parties is held for charity every year, and this year’s proceeds went towards a fund established to help defray the expenses of counseling and psychotherapy for congressional pages.

This year, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton finished first with her husband, former President Bill Clinton, successfully navigating obstacles and enduring the weight of her spouse throughout the course in record time.

Rules for the competition are such that partners don’t need to be married. Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert made an appearance with Florida Representative Mark Foley, who had briefly left rehab to participate in the event. Spectators were stunned and horrified as Hastert early on collapsed, out of breath, under the weight of Foley. To the applause of those present, Foley quickly hefted Hastert, onto his back, reversing their roles in completing the course in a wild second-place finish.

First Lady Laura Bush, with husband President George Bush in tow finished a very close third. Many present felt that the First Lady had a real shot at winning the competition, but was hampered by the backseat driving of Mr. Bush, who was heard repeatedly yelling, “Stay the course! Stay the course! “