WASHINGTON, May 25 – The United States has rejected Germany’s proposal for deep long-term cuts in greenhouse gas emissions, setting the stage for a battle that will pit President Bush against his European allies at next month’s meeting of the world’s richest countries.

Dennis Graham, of Exxon/Mobil who holds a fake mail-order Doctor of Science degree, has been selected by President Bush to head up the new White House department, “Laws Involving Environmental Science(LIES).”

Graham told a meeting of twelve executives of U.S.electric generating facilities and oil producers,who were selected by Vice President Cheney as the advisory board to LIES, that the two thousand international scientists who signed a manifesto warning of the consequences of global warming, ‘don’t know what the hell they’re talking about!’

“Our experts employed by the carbon and CO2
producing industries are much more skilled than those so-called global-warming scientists with their scare tactics; …and I have proof!” said Graham.

“Yesterday in Omaha Nebraska, it was 81 degrees. On the same date last year it was 83.” said Graham. “Richard Tyler of Seabrite, England said that it was too cold during May to take a dip in the ocean. ‘ Last May, we could swim for a few days!’, he said. “There is still snow on Mt. Everest and tests show that industrial chimneys and auto exhaust pipes don’t put out sulphur dioxide, CO2 or carbon monoxide, as those fakers claim but emit pure, clean oxygen and helium into the atmosphere.”

Graham continued, Vice President Dick Cheney told me upon his return from his Alaskan helicopter polar bear hunt, ‘We had no trouble shooting them,and there’s plenty left!’… and I have advised President Bush to encourage the slash and burning of the Amazon rain forest, as it’s those trees which are emitting polluting gases!”

Dr. Hugh Sanborne of the U.S. Department of Health, who attended the meeting, enthusiastically agreed with Graham. ” We are no longer going to release statistics on the greatly increased rate of asthma among U.S. children in industrialized areas. The first thing you know, some enviro-nut will blame it on air pollution when we know of course, that it is caused by radiation coming from school computer monitors.”

Congressional Republicans praised the LIES meeting and passed a resolution that the United States should boycott all efforts to control global warming by ‘ those same left-wing liberal abortionist anti-gun traitors who want us out of Iraq.’