Bush Greets Duke University Men's Lacrosse Team at White House

Washington, DC (Rotters) – President Bush today set aside 15 minutes out of a busy schedule to meet with the Duke University Men’s Lacrosse Team and their recently dismissed head coach. Bush praised the young men for showing strength of character and determination during times of adversity. While Bush normally meets only with autistic athletes and national champions, a White House spokesperson stated that the president felt that it was important to be more inclusive in such events and recognize a more complete story of college athletics.

The Duke team is facing a growing scandal in regards to an alleged rape of an African American exotic dancer by team members at an off campus team party. In addition, fifteen of the 47 members of the team have been charged in the past with numerous alcohol violations, noise violations, and urinating in public. DNA samples of team members have been obtained by police, but no charges have been filed to date, and the investigation continues.

The team’s season was suspended last week by University President Richard Brodhead at a point where they were 6-2 and inside favorites for a national championship. Late last week, head coach Mike Pressler tendered his resignation, which was accepted.


“These guys played in the National Championship last year,” stated Bush, “they’ve got to be disappointed, and your heart just goes out to them. While I don’t condone the bad behavior of a small few, I can identify. I played rugby on an intercollegiate level, in my day. I hope these fellows can make it through this trial as a team, and come to realize that alcohol and sex just don’t mix well.”

A White House spokesperson denied that the meeting was in any way related to the administration’s own burgeoning potential legal scandals, and an attempt to reinforce the concept of innocence before guilt is proven. “This should be in no way considered innocence by association.”

The President reportedly enjoyed joking around with the school’s mascot, who was also present for the photo opportunity. “I like his ears.” said Mr. Bush.