Bush Inspects Rita Damage

Crawford, TX (Claw News Service) – President Bush today left the NorthComm bunker in Colorado Springs, Colorado and made a detour back to his own property in Crawford , Texas prior to returning to Washington. He was saddened to find that the ranch style house and compound had suffered significant damage from a fallen tree. No one was injured in the incident, and other damage throughout Crawford was noted to be very minor.

Mr. Bush stated, “You can look at this devastation on television and go out and see for yourself, but you can never truly know until it happens to you. Lar and I are just thankful that nobody was hurt, and we were able to save some of our things. We really do appreciate the thoughts and prayers of our close friends and neighbors here, especially the African-American ones.”

CLICK TO ENLARGEPresident Bush getting ready to clear debris from his home

The President continued, “I guess people might actually consider this an ‘Act of God’, he does work in mysterious ways… Lar and I had actually been planning on expanding this part of the house and adding an indoor hot tub. With the insurance settlement and the FEMA check, we can just go on a little sooner than we were planning. Heh, heh… when you get lemons, you just make lemonade.”

In a bizarre twist to the story, accompanying Secret Service agents noted residue that they felt was suspicious for traces of a high explosive, and immediately notified the FBI, suspecting an attempt may have been made on the President’s life during the confusion of the storm. A spokesperson stated that it was far too early to speculate and that the President was not taking this possibility lightly, and indeed would have a personal hand in the investigation.