Bush Lays Hands on Harriet Miers

Washington, DC (UPSI) – President Bush, this morning, sought to reassure flagging conservative supporters who appeared ready to break ranks over his appointment of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. In a traditional but impromptu service in the Rose Garden conservative evangelical supporters were invited to a “laying on of hands” and blessing conducted by the president himself. The President opted not to don his usual vestments for the ceremony, and instead it was conducted in his normal work attire.

President Bush, annointing Harriet Miers in a Rose Garden ceremony

Present today, was Dr. James Dobson, who had initially expressed doubts over the president’s appointment of Miers. “What I have seen and heard today, totally reassures me,” said Dobson. “I can’t reveal it all, because I do know things that I’m privy to that I can’t describe, because of confidentiality.”

Dobson went on to state that he has had daily conversations with God since the appointment was announced, and frequently they were three way “conference prayer calls” with the President. “God has told me to have faith and trust in his son, and that is just what our President needs, faith and support in his decisions.”

Also present this morning were noted conservative doubters Rush Limbaugh and columnist George Will who both refused to comment on the proceedings, stating that they were both in fear for their immortal souls. Both related that they were instructed to go forth and spin no more by the President.

White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated, “This is exactly the message that we wish to send to the President’s traditional conservative base. We want to refocus the country on our goals of faith based economics and government. While the President has said repeatedly that he does not want a judge who will legislate from the bench, he believes that there is nothing wrong with pontificating from it.”