Washington, DC (Rotters) – President Bush today, in a rare visit to the national archives apparently has accidentally made the U.S. Constitution disappear. National Archive authorities have been working overtime in a fruitless attempt to resurrect the missing document.
Bush, an acknowledged Harry Potter fan, was playing around at a closed-door visit to the archives with a wand that he received as a Christmas gift. He stepped up to the high-security enclosure housing the original document, tapped the case with his wand and spoke the words, “mischief managed.” Witnesses stated that the writing on the document appeared to dissolve away leaving behind a blank piece of parchment paper. Secret Servicemen then wrestled the wand from the president’s hand as he was turning towards the Declaration of Independence.
White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated, “While tragic, the loss of the original document is just sentimental at best. As we speak, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has his staff hard at work rewriting and updating the original Constitution to a more modern form which will better serve our needs. This really is more of a lemonade out of lemons situation.”
National Archive sources stated that they at first attempted to contact author JK Rowling for assistance but were immediately overruled by the Bush administration, citing national security concerns and budgetary constraints.