CRAWFORD, TX — President George W. Bush is “mulling options” for a possible military strike against Cindy Sheehan, said one of his top political aides.
“Cindy Sheehan’s actions over the last few days are the same sorts of things that terrorists would do. I count her protest to be an attack against my poll numbers,” said President Bush.
Earlier today, former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz urged the President to bomb Mrs. Sheehan.
“Let her eat bombs,” exclaimed the World Bank leader. “That no-good lady is trying to interfere wth me making tons of cash through government contracts and subsidies,” Wolfowitz said. “I get most of my money from war spending, don’t you realize that?”
When asked about showing compassion and sympathy towards Cindy Sheehan, Paul Wolfowitz said that he has “better things to worry about” than the grieving mother and her son.
“I run the World Bank, geezus. Why would somebody like me care what this Cindy lady says?” boasted Mr. Wolfowitz.
Bush’s top security advisor, Steven Hadley, said, “Cindy’s protesting is an affront to dieboldocracy,” and “all options to mitigate this threat are on the table.”
Mr. Hadley also spoke about the need to take pre-emptive action against mothers of dead troops.
“Suppose we stand idly by while mothers of troops expose our war for the lie that it is, that might cause the President’s poll numbers to drop even further. Low poll numbers are no different than nuclear weapons going off. Do you want us to take action before or after you see a mushroom cloud?” Hadley explained.
Back in Crawford, the President was asked whether or not he thought starting a war against Cindy Sheehan would be atrocious.
“It isn’t like we have done anything to Cindy, yet. No matter what, don’t forget – I want everybody to remember this – Sheehan started this whole thing. She came down to Crawford and she has f#$&ed up my vacation!” the President shouted. “She makes me think about work-related stuff.”
The President said he shouldn’t have to be bothered with stories about deaths of troops, since he is on vacation. He said that war stuff is work stuff, and he won’t be working for another few weeks now.