Bush Nominates Bork as Supreme Court Justice, Announces Further Administration Shakeups

Washington, DC (Claw News Service) – Fresh from a weekend of relaxation and introspection at Camp David, President Bush returned to the White House to the cheers of selected staffers and announced the nomination of Robert Bork to the Supreme court Justice spot being vacated by Sandra Day O’Connor at a hastily organized press conference in the East Wing. Bush appears to be responding to critics who have said that he will need to make some hard decisions over the course for his second term in light of recent scandals. Critics have said that he must choose between the “bunker mentality” of the failed Nixon presidency, versus the sweeping changes instituted by the Reagan administration when faced with scandal in its second term.

Spokesperson Scott McClellan stated, “The theme for the second term, can now officially be called ‘Do Over’. The President is proud of the career of Mr. Bork and ashamed of what happened to him in the first go round, so he’ll gat a ‘do over’. Some critics may point out the age of Mr. Bork, but this administration does not discriminate. Besides, if Mr. Bork’s health becomes an issue as a Justice, we’ll get a do over.”

President Bush looks on as Robert Bork addresses reporters

Mr. Bush, later in the day in the rose garden, announced further administration shakeups in light of the resignation of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby and accusations leveled against Karl Rove over the Valerie Plame affair. Mr. Rove will apparently step aside as well, but remain in a minimal consultative capacity, as he undergoes further administration interrogation. As replacements for Rove and Libby, in keeping with the ‘Do Over’ theme, Mr. Bush announced that the administration would begin working with past republican aides and insiders, Oliver North, and G. Gordon Liddy.

Mr. Bush stated, “Mr. Liddy and Mr. North are both fine Americans and they are proud and anxious to be given a ‘do over’ to serve their country once again. Each of them will bring some unique talents and experiences to the ongoing war against terror, and I look forward to working closely with each of them.

President Bush announcing the administration’s hiring of Oliver North and Gordon Liddy

Spokesperson Scott McClellan concluded, “We feel we have weathered the storm, and look forward to having the Peace process and police action in Iraq come rapidly to a successful conclusion, and getting our domestic agenda back on track as well. We hope that all Americans will now come to the table in a spirit of “Do Over”, and work together. Comparisons to past administrations and to the Vietnam conflict are ludicrous and counterproductive. The “rabbit hole” is a dead end, folks… America needs to know that her President and Vice President are not crooks.”